Proudly independent? Ways to make room for love...

“Know that the most unnecessary demands come from the unfinished parts of self.”

– Joan Anderson

I know so many incredible women. Strong, accomplished, competent. Which of course, when it comes to love, is a sticky wicket.

In his book Love Smart, Dr. Phil (whether ya like 'im or not) makes good point. In his list of the many faces of desperation, he includes the independent woman. An excerpt:

‘You're used to being the boss. You don't play second fiddle to any guy. And you're scared to death of sharing your space with a partner after years of living alone. You think you're choosy, but you know that deep down, you're scared of messing up the good thing you've got going — with yourself.’

Ouch. When I first read this, dear Resistance had a great ol' time. I sounded kinda like this:

“But but but — there's no one else to help me. If I am not independent, the mortgage doesn't get paid. Then I end up a bag lady. Worse! A bag lady with cats.” (sorry wee Smudge)

After I was done venting to the moon, I stepped back. I do pride myself on my independence a tad too much. I do like calling the shots. Dammit. And let's be honest here — what's sexy or magnetic about THAT?

The art of being needy for the independent woman

Just because I'm competent at something, doesn't mean I am not willing to share the load. In fact, it's a relief to share. I get that. But while I'm single: when do I get to practice?

Recently, I hired a part-time assistant, and inadvertently this helpful man has become a safe way for me to practice expressing what I need. As someone who wears ALL the hats 24/7 and never had a personal assistant in corporate, this was huge for me.

In essence, what I've independently created, is a way to practice — the art of being needy!

Once I began asking and receiving (what fun), I found myself in a groove.

I am independent woman! I am needy! I am the Grand Canyon of need! Who will fill my desires? OK — I accept!

Every time something got done to lighten my load, I was reminded of the thousands of ways I could keep a loving and dedicated man busy meeting my needs. Of course, I'll give to him as well... but that comes more easily for me, so doesn't warrant an ezine issue. :-)

Now! Independent women, stand and repeat after me: “I open my heart to accept any and all sincere gestures of assistance. I honour others desire to help and realize that allowing them to express this side of themselves, is not only a gift to me, but to them. Amen.”

Do you have room for two?

A key step in any soulmate search I call ‘scrubbing your attractors’. Together with my dear private clients, we explore karma using the astrology. We also examine and remove toxic ties, clutter and unfriendly soulmate symbols from their personal space.

To be in integrity writing on this topic, I've also turned the mirror on myself. So one of the things I've been doing this week is a major purge of my home and office to make space for new energy. Intense, but boy does it feel good. Good riddance!

I'm also discovering new ways to ensure that the energy in my home and office supports my my health. Sharing some of what I found about that below.

Claiming your vulnerability

For me, this heart-lead dance seeks the delicate balance between strength and vulnerability.

It acknowledges that sometimes, Strength can weaken me. Other times, I know that Vulnerability, emotion and conscious surrender — is a palpable force.

The right person for you (and moi) will search to find ways to make your life easier and more enjoyable, lightening your load.

Your job: allowing what you say you want to enter, when it knocks. Even if it's not exactly what you asked for — yet.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

– Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi

Independent women — celebrate your neediness! If you're single, practise receiving from friends.

When envisioning the love that you seek, ponder giving and receiving in balance.

Ask: What am I willing to surrender? How am I prepared to make space, emotionally and physically? Hint: Start with your closet.

In the meantime, be powerful. Take charge. Blow away your clients with your brilliance. Change the world.

Find balance and contentment where you stand.

Then create the space. Purge. Make room. Ask.

Love yourself, strong and independent. Love equally the power you have — to give some of it away.

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