Making the choice not to forgive: a fateful decision 20 years later

“There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.”
– Nelson Mandela (RIP)

Phil bounded into my life when I was “staging” my condo – that is, removing a number of pieces that would give my smallish space a roomier feel.

He's tall, with long greying hair and a ponytail and he's missing a couple of front teeth. He's outgoing and physically strong, and has been moving people in and out of their homes for 30 years. For guitar fans out there (I am one), he was also a drummer for David Lindley for a time. Cool.

Phil is friendly and super-organized and he told me a story that I still remember two months later. Something that happened to him while he was moving a wealthy family (billionaire wealthy).

He said that he went home after witnessing this, and made a promise to his wife.

More cash than he'd ever seen

This wealthy family hired the moving company Phil was with, and Phil and his crew were on-site working within this enormous estate.

He'd moved things for this client before, and Phil said that the owner was a friendly guy. He recognized Phil, and they bantered a bit.

Phil was asked to take apart an expensive antique armoire, valued at about a quarter of a million dollars. He began to do this, carefully wrapping each piece. As he was gently pulling some drawers apart, cash fell out.

“More money than I'd ever seen in my life...” Phil said.

Phil ordered his crew out of the room. He told them to hang tight because they were probably being filmed by security. He wanted to make sure each dollar was accounted for.

Waiting for the police to come

The cash came to a little over $20,000. When the owner came around the next time, Phil presented it to him, telling him the total amount. The man stared at him. He was no longer joking around.

“Where did you get this?” the man asked him. Phil told him.

The man stared. His face became red and flushed. Without a word, he left the house, got into his car and drove away.

Phil was shocked. He told his crew what happened and to stay put. He told them that he suspected the police would be coming.

A fateful, 20 years old decision

The police didn't come. A while later, the man came back and told Phil his story.

20 years before, this man with wealth far beyond what most of us will ever know accused his brother of stealing the $20,000 Phil found in the armoire. His brother had denied it. This man didn't believe him, and never let it go.

This decision, made decisively 20 years before – destroyed the brothers' relationship and polarized their family.

The stuff that changes lives

I'd like to tie this story up neatly by saying that this man learned his lesson, that he approached his brother and mended ties. That later, he made the choice to forgive, and also learned how to forgive himself and remember.

That he became more trusting, more giving, more appreciative for what he had in life. That this event changed his life and deepened his relationships, as it changed Phil's.

Maybe this happened, maybe it didn't.

I do know that Phil went home and told his wife this story that changed his life. I suspect that Phil tells the story to his moving clients when it feels right and has touched many others.

I've now told many people the story, too – and now you.

Now You. (Go Ahead)

Meaning of life articles for your heart. Created with love.

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